It’s almost mid-month again! Here I am, finally with something to say. Or type, you know.
We’re already 43 days into 2016 and honestly, I don’t think I’ve accomplished anything at all since the start of the year. I’ve done nothing besides looking forward to the end of each working day because I dread the start anyway.
But it’s 2016 that I started to realise who are those who do. They really light up my world and even though we don’t meet very often, I can feel their presence because they bother to make the effort to talk to me, arrange a time to meet up with me just so we can catch up. Maybe it’s true that I don’t know how long this will last, but I’m glad that at least it’s ongoing. I never ever want to lose these people and I hope I’ve also done my part in ensuring that they feel the same way.
As for those who don’t, they fall into this category because they’re people not worth mentioning. At this point, it may just seem like I’m just jealous/”salty” of the things that they own, but honestly, I’ve thought long & hard about it. There is no way they can be those who do in others’ lives for a sustainable period of time.
It’s after I graduate that I realise I have to keep a lot of thoughts to myself regardless of whether it is personal. Being an adult meant that I cannot just go around offending people “unintentionally”. No matter how snarky I may have seemed in the past, it has got to be stopped. Or at least toned down. In my own opinion, I’ve already succeeded, partially, in doing that. And I’m still trying. You got to live in a soul like mine to know how difficult it actually is to tone down my personality. But I’m doing okay, and I’ll strive to become better at it.
I saw you. How long has it been since I last wrote about you and now I’m back in the spin cycle, how nice. You’ve already got a girlfriend (are you guys still together?) but here I am. No, I don’t like you anymore. Obviously. But seeing you today has made my heart heavy. It has been for the past 5-6 hours. I don’t even know how to act when I saw you. I’ve never rehearsed in my head a situation like this. Then I saw you and my mind went to hell, literally. I turned around, and thought I’d see you again but you’d disappeared behind the concrete walls, just like a ghost, both literally and metaphorically. I thought I’d be fine & cool if I ever saw you again but look where it has gotten me. Well, I last thought about you about 1.5-2 years ago, so maybe I don’t have the clearest memory of what was in my mind. I couldn’t even bring myself to tell anyone but I told manda anyway. Because she understands, at least I think she does. And I really love her for that. I wanted to tell someone else but I’m not ready for that person’s reaction so I don’t think I’m going to.