A clean slate

As the paper was handed over to me I had this conflicting thought – should I look at my results and start being sad now, or look at it later and continue being nervous?

The moment I looked at my grades, I knew I wasn’t satisfied. Truthfully I’m not very upset with my grades, but I know I could’ve done so much better. I took the time I had for granted and am currently paying for that mistake. They always say grades do not define a person, but it does, to such a great extent. So currently I’m just really confused, kind of lost; searching for a way out of the dark tunnel that I’m in. People have told me, again and again, that grades would not matter in the future. But what matters is now, and now, grades matter.

It also matters which school I go into. No matter what others say, it will affect my whole life. And I hate how it’ll control whatever lies ahead of me.

It’ll hurt less, definitely. A day will arrive and I’ll be immune to the pain and all that, because after awhile people will stop thinking about it and start focusing on other things that’s going to happen. Maybe school reopening, maybe a major political news. Who knows? As of now, I’m going to avoid seeing as many people as I can, other than my friends. I don’t think I can deal with so many people judging my decisions and my grades all at once. But again, someday I’ll get there. I will.

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