I don’t know how many people can relate to this – being an ambivert. For people who are reading this and wondering which spectrum of extrovert or introvert this term belongs to, it actually refers to being a mixture, or a balance of both.
First of all, being an ambivert means you are so awkward when it comes to meeting new people. Take for example, a social event, maybe a party. You are never sure if you are able to successfully strike up a conversation with someone you think you would genuinely like to know. Wait, you can’t even muster up the courage to approach them in the first place. You can’t even imagine what to say if you were to initiate anything. So you wait until someone, hopefully a mutual friend, introduces you to this person. At this point, you feel lucky and happy to know this mutual friend just because that he/she introduced you to the person you wanted to know.
Then, the awkwardness begins. However, you are not a stranger to small talk at all! You engage in a conversation to know more about this person because well, that is what you had wanted to do in the first place. You are careful about revealing too much, you do want that person to keep on talking, and you are cautious about the things you say but at the same time, you want to blurt out so many things.
Consequently, the both of you start to become closer and closer, gradually but surely. Regardless of gender, you feel thankful to have met him/her at the party because it was the event that brought you together. Despite this appreciation, you are somehow still unable to open your heart up to that person fully, no matter how much he/she divulges. It is a headache, to constantly contemplate whether or not to say something that matters to yourself but more than that, you may be worried that this friend might judge, or lower their opinions of you.
Ego-involvement. That is it, no matter what you do, you are somehow unable to let go of this sense of pride in you.
Do you see? If this is relatable to you in some sense, you do have traits of an ambivert, which I believe most people are. There are some people, howbeit, who balance this ambiverted sense of self better than others.
My inspiration to write about this stems from my inner emotions and thoughts that I don’t usually confide in people. I don’t know if I’m going to regret posting this, but it is something that I thought was interesting enough to share.
Being an ambivert has probably made you realize that this world is made up of really nice people. Simultaneously, it is made up of really nasty people as well. Enclosing yourself in your own comfort zone may not be as bad as people think, neither is being alone. Being adventurous though, is something that you know you want, from the bottom of your heart. People nowadays are all for living in the now and #YOLO, right?
Periodically, you crave attention. You want someone to notice you for something that you are doing. Other times, all you want to do is go home and wrap yourself under the blanket and stop interacting with the world.
You are easily influenced by your peers, just as you are easily influenced by that soft but assertive voice in your head. Sometimes, there is no in-between. At times, you cannot spell out your decisions because you don’t know what your heart desires, even if it is a simple conclusion. To put it simply, you know what you want, but you just cannot put your mind to it and tell yourself that is the best decision you can make. You’re neither decisive nor indecisive, something along these lines.
Somehow, everything to you is a passing phase. Oh, I liked flat water bottles at one point because they seemed practical, now I like big and round ones because they are even more practical. Oh, I liked haversacks at one point because it is convenient, now I like tote bags because they are even more convenient. Oh, I liked pens with covers at one point because they looked classy, now I like retractable pens because they look even classier. It is because of this that you cannot decide what to buy for yourself, knowing that you’ll get tired of it. Even this thought makes you exhausted after awhile.
You never know how to describe yourself when the occasion calls for it. For instance, when someone asks you to list something interesting about yourself, you would think all the way back to kindergarten and eventually, manage to find something to say that may not even impress people who were listening. It’s pretty tragic.
Nevertheless, you are beyond grateful that you are an ambivert because you can empathise with both introverts and extroverts. In spite all that was said, the perks of being an ambivert are truly remarkable, to say the least 🙂
Maybe this is just me.