To 2016

I had begun to write a gratitude post for the people I am truly thankful for in the year 2016 like I did in 2014, but realised that it meant including lots of patronising and superficial content, so I decided that instead of just posting photographs and writing paragraphs of words that I don’t think will really sink into people’s minds, I will show my gratitude by appreciating and treasuring them more in my heart. Below are just some lessons that I have learnt throughout the 12 long months in 2016.

Things I’ve learnt in 2016 (so far) was written in June. Many of those things still hold true and are dear to me even though they are unexplained. I wrote the 10 things I have realised because I was extremely upset at a conflict that was supposedly over, but came back to haunt me. To be honest, I don’t think I have these 10 lessons drilled in my head yet despite the use of the word learnt. As mentioned above, these are the 10 things I have realised – a tad bit late, but better late than never, right? – as I was trying to sort my thoughts.

“I want so much to be strong.”

“The struggle ends when the gratitude begins.”

2016 had been such a painful year for me. I crashed emotionally harder than I ever did, and I was not the person I envisioned myself to be. It would be absurd and unrealistic to believe that I can become that person in just 12 months, but one can try. Baby steps, right?

Emotions are humanistic. They are natural but may not be wanted, yet they exist anyway. In order to be strong it does not mean that one has to be void of emotions, it just means that he would have to be in control of them and use them appropriately. Point #2 to remember.

Nobody else can look down on me except myself. At the same time, I don’t want to be one of those people who “peaks in high school”.

This was something said in several movies and books, and it’s something that is unerasable from my mind. High school for me was three years ago but since then, it was like I never found my calling. I am still stuck in this circle of “I don’t know what I want”. One fact that I have grasped is that most things never stick – acquaintances, friends, closer friends etc. I was not expecting to be in contact with everyone I knew, but popularity never lasts. I just wish I knew that when I was 14 years old. So here is another thing to add to my resolutions: do everything as if there will never be a second chance. That’s how I would know if I am truly passionate about something, or anything at all.

Cheers to a new year ahead of me, as I turn 20. May the obstacles I face be just a phase in my life, and may they always make me stronger than before. 2016, thank you for this hell of a ride, but I quite glad to be saying this personal goodbye to you. Let’s hope 2017 will be better than just average 🙂



Malaysia 2016


Malaysia is still a really foreign country to me despite the number of times I’ve crossed the checkpoint to enter their land. My family & I are kinda sick of the places we visit ever so often, so let’s hope that we would not have to visit anytime soon and if there is a next time, I would like to be the one to drive my parents into this place filled with wonders that we don’t see in a bustling city like ours.

Here’s the link to a vlog I created after this trip!

Faith in humanity restored

There are many instances when I would go “aww…” when I see a touching video on Twitter or Facebook of someone helping another out in this world we know that is filled with cruelty and not so much kindness. Whether it is a small act of kindness, a huge one that gains so much publicity it calls for a controversy, or even an anonymous act of goodwill, they all bring me to the verge of tears. Yes, I’m a total sucker for touching little things.

Today at the Batu Caves in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, I had a real life encounter of a kind act. Albeit small, it was something that warmed my heart instantly.

It started drizzling when we were descending the stairs and by the time we reached the bottom, it was already kinda pouring. So we had to seek shelter in the small little space they had in front of the 272-steps staircase.

The woman in beige white, rushed up the stairs with an umbrella on the last flight despite not having the best mobility, and helped the Indian lady down the last two flights of stairs. It may not seem like much because there were so many flights of stairs above where she did not offer her help, but the rain only got really heavy during the last 3 flights, which slowed down the lady’s speed in descending the stairs and explains the kind act.

It was so rewarding to see such an act of kindness because we were all stuck in the shelter under the heavy and unforgiving rain. Under those circumstances, anyone with an umbrella would have offered to help, including myself, but it was a coincidence that we were all just stuck in the rain with no umbrella or whatsoever equipment that we could use to shelter the lady from the rain.

Not to toot my own horn, but my father helped a Caucasian lady with her child down the stairs as well as the rain began to get heavier. The lady was thankful along with the small boy, and it really made my day a whole lot better. I wanted to much to help because I saw them first, but the boy is about 3-4 years old and I wasn’t sure if I could shoulder his weight AND descend the rather steep steps on the staircase.

This marks the end of this wonderful story that heightened my faith in humanity. It was beautiful and I wanted to document it so I would never forget to be kind ✨

NTS; 2017

This generation, or rather, the generation below yours, is truly the strawberry generation. They are less hardworking and less willing to find answers because they feel that they are entitled to the knowledge.

Someone told me this and it was just kinda embedded in my mind. Rephrased, but it carries the same meaning. Rather than just lazing back and waiting for an answer to be delivered, we should be working towards getting them. Our generation is so used to getting everything on a platter that most of the time, we just take it for granted. Yes, we have access to clean water and a roof over our heads, we have education that is compulsory and live in a country that is peaceful and harmonious. But I think it is exactly these privileges that made us who we are. Selfish, entitled brats.

C’mon now, I’m not saying we cry like brats just because we don’t get what we want. We, however, pause at crossroads and decide that if it gets too tough, we can always U-turn or just stay where we are, contented. But one can’t be happy forever. That was not how people above our generations lived. They worked, and when they got happy and satisfied, they work even harder because they know a brighter future awaits ahead of them. It is of a different era now, but I think this spirit can still be carried on instead of letting it die in the older generations.


I saw this beautiful blog post about wants. Instead of saying “I want to”, I got to start saying “I plan to.” Turn wants into plans so that they become actual goals instead of mere empty words. It is a fact that I haven’t began to plan yet, but this will be my top resolution for next year. Speaking of 2017, it’s actually arriving in about half a month. How insane is that??

In less than half a month, a new year will arrive and everyone will be crafting their new resolutions for the year. But how many people actually stick through it for the entire year? Most people give up at the end of January, even on simple resolutions such as eating less junk food.

In less than half a month, high school students will be heading to school again and wishing that they graduate from the hell hole soon enough. Little do they know, the outside world is more vicious than they ever imagined, and college is only going to get tougher.

In less than half a month, I would be on my way to say hi to a month of winter break from school. There will be many important decisions to make, and most of it are to be made alone, but I will get through it for sure.

In less than half a month, my brother would be enlisting in the army and I would only get to see him for two days a week. Less, if he decides to go out with his friends on weekends as well. I’m definitely going to miss him.. Don’t know how I’ll deal with it yet but I’ll see as the date draws near.

These are just several changes that I will be experiencing in the coming month. I will never be ready but it will come anyway. To be honest, when people say change is the only constant I keep thinking about what changes I’ve been through. I’ve tried to view it from another perspective and realised that when people say change is the only constant, they mean time too. Time is constantly changing, and we take that for granted because it’s right beneath our noses. We can’t see it, touch it, nor feel it. But time changes. That is so important because now I know that and I need to do something about it.

So here is a note to self: planning is essential but spontaneity isn’t all that bad either. Stop getting caught up in situations and realising that leaving might be the solution, because it’s not. Determination is 🙂

University journey #2

For the longest time ever during the nine months break that I had from school, I had imagined university starting. At the time, it felt like school would be this wonderful beginning for me because I would finally have something to do other than driving and work. Now that school has started, I realise that it is more tiring than I thought it would be. I am still doing fine, but my schedule this semester is rather packed. I have to wake up at 6.30am from Monday to Thursday. I get to sleep in only on Fridays & Sundays because of my afternoon class and my only day of “relaxation” respectively.

As of now I’m still working part-time at the same F&B place. I spend the whole of my Saturday working, and Sunday studying, which is not equivalent to “relaxation”, let me tell you. I wouldn’t say I got lucky with my timetable, but I’m not complaining because I know for a fact that I chose this. Assignments, projects and exams piling up certainly means not much time for a break but I read blog posts and decided that it has been way too long since I last wrote, so here I am.

For the first three weekends of October, I participated in different ultimate frisbee competitions and had an absolute blast even though I was so tired from having to work on weekdays and juggling school work with sleep and trainings along with the competition on weekends, for which I had to wake up very early. I would say it was all worth it though! Below will be photos from these different events because frisbee photos are always the nicest… right? 🙂 I love it when they are on my feed. Green grass, mud and/or jerseys make me very very happy!!

First weekend – Savage Seven (NTU) @ NTU:
This team came about because Gerald wanted to play in this competition with his NDU friends but had no female players so they asked around and tada, here we are!!

Second weekend – Grab Huck Score 2016 (SMU) @ West Coast Park:
AJwolves!! Played our hearts out even though we haven’t trained together for more than a month. Will always always miss you guys because AJ (and y’all) is where my passion for ulti originated 🙂

Aiyo I know I got no butt but don’t be mean and judge okay? 🙂
Third weekend @ SUNIG B (NTU) @ NTU:
This is self-explanatory…. right? But I can’t believe we did it. A medal after all those weeks of training and guidance from Ben and all the seniors. It was so so intimidating, but the results were so satisfying!!

Although I’m not sure if I will ever be able to juggle anything like that again, I know I will ultimately tell myself that it’s going to be worth it, and then sign up anyway. So thankful for the pals I’ve known through ulti and I really really hope everyone I know in ulti are here to stay, whether you’re a coach that I truly respect, seniors that I look up to, or friends that I’ll always love/miss messing around with.

For people who are looking forward to university starting, you should expect VERY busy schedules and because everything is own-time-own-target, you would require an insane amount of self-discipline, which I am still trying to cultivate. Things will definitely be worse if you stay in halls (aka dormitories), so have some mental preparation! As much as I am enjoying and relishing my time in university, it really is just superficial. Here’s to more things to update on in the future – or you can always find (not so fun) updates about my life on my Instagram.

This world is not my oyster

Why are some of the relationships that I am in so toxic? It sometimes hurts to even breathe the same air as some of the people around me. But I am not a master of pretending that I’m fine when I’m not. In the past I thought I was good at it – carrying around a facade that nobody could see through. I don’t know what happened but I am no longer able to fool anyone. I found out recently that I wear my feelings on my face, be it annoyance, anger, happiness or stress. Especially stress. Everyone can see it, which is why I have been so annoyed at everything in general. Being defensive is my defence. I’m starting to dislike that people are acting according to what I want, because they don’t challenge me at all. They do not make me feel like I really have won when I say I want to something. I think I am starting to consider those people toxic too. As much as I’m hating myself for thinking this way, I cannot help it. Fuck all of it, just let me loose. I can’t wait for the day when I can let go of myself and stop being so uptight. I remember being so offended the first time told me that I’m uptight, although I already knew for a fact that I am. Now, I want to be the person who knows exactly when and how to let go. Let others challenge me, then win squarely. 

I have to also stop being contented with life. Just recently I heard from someone that you can’t just be contented with life, or where you are at this certain stage of life because that is when you stop improving, that is when your thirst for improvement ceases. After I heard this I realise I’m getting too comfortable and contented with where I am and I hate it, which is why I am learning but I don’t want to become a different person because of that. Then again, I don’t think I can stop myself from being annoyed at certain things even when I know I shouldn’t be. I don’t know. P.s. friends, if you read this post and decide that you can talk me into telling you what’s going on, don’t try. Unless you’re ready for an argument. So please don’t, I don’t want to sound rude but please don’t. please.

Save me from my rocking boat

There are really so many things to feel inferior about.

Tonight, the thoughts settled in and set up a camp in my head. I know they will go away eventually, but it cannot be soon enough. I wish I can fast forward time just so that I can be as ready as I can to hear the final verdict but at the same time, I don’t want to hear it because I’m way too anxious. Maybe I didn’t make the right choices and neither did I prove myself worthy of anything, but I want it. But I know that as much as I want it, somebody else does too and that scares me. I don’t know what to do and what to feel right now except confusion and mess.

I wish and I wish harder but how will I ever know what is in another person’s mind? I don’t know what to say or what to do, so I will wait patiently. I hope that is enough.